My Alter Egos

When it comes to alter egos I believe I have two. But before I describe them, here is a good definition of alter ago I found on Google: A person’s secondary or alternative personality.

My alter egos are pretty much the opposite of each other. One is confident and knows how to make the best of all her situations no matter how good or bad they might be. She's sexy and smart (and a bit conceited if you ask me). The other is insecure and constantly questioning her decisions because she's so fearful and lost. She doesn't think she's ever good enough for anything or anyone in her life.

And then there's me, who doesn't really know which of these alternates she relates to the most. These alternates constantly argue with each other and help me figure things out. Sometimes I think I'd rather always be the confident one. I mean who doesn't want to be in a positive mood all the time? I used to think the negative one would always bring me down and make me feel so useless. Why would I let anyone (even if it's a fragment of myself) make me feel that way?

It's funny, I feel like these alternates have been inside me for a long time. Ever since I could remember. But yet it was only until recently I started thinking about them instead of just listening to what they have to tell me whenever I make a decision.

I'm not sure which of these personalities are shown more when I interact with others. My family, friends and coworkers (the people I interact with the most) all see me differently from each other because of how human beings present themselves to others. Strangers and acquaintances probably also see me differently. I don't have a significant other but I imagine that if I did he would see me in another way too.

If you’re reading this, whether you know me really well or you never even met me, this post is describing the real me. I don't always have one set of personality traits that go together. I used to wish I could be the confident version of myself all the time but I realized I need the insecure version of me just as much, even if it hurts to be her. If I didn't have her I probably wouldn't have anything to keep me in check with my life. Being positive might sound like the ideal attitude to have all of the time but it's not. The insecure one motivates me to keep striving before I meet a goal or get some where I want to be. She helps me question what I want and what I need. And when situations become ones that are no longer in my control the confident one helps me cope. I realized it's a pretty good balance and I need them both.

And to the people in my life that know me at all and are reading this: Please tell me your thoughts. Which one of these alter egos do you see more of in me? Perhaps a mix of both? I'm curious to know so please don't hesitate to reach out. Thank you for reading.