Worthy of Love

I remember some amount of years ago it was frowned upon to be single for a long time. To be someone who has never been in a relationship or even on a date meant that that person wasn't experiencing one of life's greatest pleasures. Nowadays if you are single it's a good thing: you get to focus on yourself, be the best version of yourself, and then you can be in a relationship. And if you want to be in a relationship then you are someone who depends on a significant other too much. Personally, I think both ideas are bullshit. Let's start with the first scenario. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone who doesn't engage in romantic and/or sexual relationships. Some people do it by choice and that's okay. Others maybe try and don't have much success right away and that's okay too.  There's nothing wrong with wanting a significant other. Humans are a social species and it's perfectly natural to want someone. There's nothing wrong with trying. Online dating used to be considered a social taboo. I remember a lot of people around me saying "Only really desperate people use online dating apps".  Obviously, that view has died down a little nowadays since almost everyone I know that is close to my age has tried (and some had success) using online dating apps. But that taboo still exists. I know this because I have seen multiple online dating profiles that say: "Don't worry we don't have to tell anyone we met on this app". Sure it's probably just a quirky line to make the reader of the profile laugh but I can't imagine a little bit of the taboo isn't there.

Why is it when we are looking for a relationship we are considered desperate and too dependent but when are in one we aren't considered the best version of ourselves? It's conflicting, isn't it? How do we find that balance of finding and being in a healthy relationship while at the same time not losing yourself in the process?

I do agree that solely depending on a significant other for emotional support is not the best practice. People should have different people and things to do depend on for different needs. Everyone is unique and has their own set of needs. And yes it is important to be independent and depend on yourself for as many things as you can. I think this belief is what leads people to come up with the "best version of yourself" before you date someone idea. Consider this: you will never be the best version of yourself. I'd say that it's very natural for people to change. You are never the same person you were after some time passes. Experiences make you a different person, can make you see situations differently and can make you change the goals you strive for and the decisions you make.  You are never going to be the best version of yourself because you will never stop changing.  Never being the best version of yourself doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Also, consider this: you are worthy of being loved and you have every human right to fall in love. Let's say you achieved what you think to be is the best version of yourself. Does that really validate somehow that you have a right to start dating now? That you are not a desperate and lonely human being? Absolutely not. Although falling in love can take time it is a phenomenon that happens quite often in the human race. Sometimes it just clicks. And it's okay to let it. It's okay to experience it. Being in a relationship (if it's with the right person) doesn't have to bring you down or keep you from striving to be the best version of yourself. In fact, if you are with the right person, they should get to know your worst self. Because why not? Human beings aren't perfect. Being in a relationship and falling in love isn't perfect.

So if you feel that you're not ready to be in a relationship because you still need to work on yourself then that's okay. But don't stray away from falling in love (if that's something you actually want) because you feel you're not worthy. At the same time don't depend on one thing or one person to make you happy. This world is full of places, people, and things that can make you happy. Go out and explore them, meet others, and try all the new things you can to get in those experiences that will change you for the better. Because when love is ready to find you it will.